8 months

Granny, you have been physically gone from our lives for 8 months now. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you. The Holidays are here and you enjoyed them so. You loved that your children and grandchildren called or stopped by for a visit. You always talked about how lucky you were with your family, it was us that was lucky. We had Granny. No one could fill your shoes.
You know we teach the little ones that when a loved one leaves us that they are in heaven. So I hope that your first Christmas in Heaven is all that it should be for you. Are the streets really lined in gold, do the angels wear wings and halos, I bet your wings and halo is the prettiest. How is the singing? A chorus of God’s Angels. Do you see us down here struggling, some days worse than others?

Granny, I talked to you one of the last nights that you were in the hospital. You listened with your Granny heart, I told you that I would try to do better, I told you that Pete, Whitney, and I would be okay. I said all of these things to ease you. You blinked your eyes in a way telling me you understood everything.  Those words are hard to live up to. Bear with me while I continue to try.

I have heard people say that they are mad at the loved one that died. I can understand that, I am not mad at you, but I am mad that you are not here anymore.

Granny, there is not anything that I would not do to, hold your fragile hand, touch your soft tender skin, hear your “I love you” just one more time.

Going by your apartment is hard, I don’t even know if someone else has moved in there. I don’t want to know. It will always be Granny’s apartment. Wandza’s is another place, I remember it always tired you so to get your hair permed. Each time that I go up to 2Center at the hospital I have to walk by the hospital room that you were in.  Every time I see an ambulance, I think of each time that rode I with you in the back to hold your hand. That is something that only me and you shared.  The hardest place is church. Granny, it is so hard to go back in there. It is the one place that I know that I should be, but after this long, it is just easier to stay away. I wish you were hear to help me. I need my Granny.

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